Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Mold Rocks!

broken dishwasher + floor = mold

mold + 4-5 months = dangerous levels of mold

dangerous levels of mold = homeless Claire! For at least 2 weeks!! WOOT!

by the way, that was the most sarcastic "woot" in the history of "woots."

Thursday, November 20, 2008


My cousin, Scott, who has been in the Army for his entire adult life, was in town from the Philapines to see his baby in North Carolina being born. He was on base in Tacoma, so he came into Portland last Friday to see his dear Cousin Claire. Now, Scott is straight as an arrow. He hardly drinks, doesn't do drugs and I don't think he goes out too much. So, where did I decide to take him for a night on the town? A rave.

My friend Jameson told me about a Bassnectar show at the Wonder Ballroom for $20, and I really, really wanted to go. I asked Scott if he was into it, and he agreed, so we ran some menial errands with Jameson and went to the venue to pick up some tickets. Jameson warned us that the last time he tried to get into the Wonder Ballroom, it sold out. We decided to get there pretty early to ensure that we get enough tickets for me, Scott, Jameson, Alex and Nate (my guys). The guy at the bar said the doors opened at 8:30, and tickets would be available then. So Jameson waited at the box office and was first in line at 8:15. Scott and I decided to go pick up Nate. Pushing through some hassle with the door guy, we finally got our tickets and entered the venue (the show was completely sold out by 9:30).

The Wonder Ballroom is basically just one big open room with a balcony and a bar on each level. We started out the night hating the opening djs, and standing on the balcony drinking $4 16 oz PBRs. Yes, I know, that sounds delicious, and trust me, they were. Anyway, we just kinda talked and drank and finally, bassnectar went on. Finally.

The main floor was packed. Literally packed. You couldn't walk through to save your life. However, I have a gifted ability to walk through enormous crowds with little effort. Here's the secret: just run through people as fast as you can. It's extremely rude, but it works. People get over it... eventually. Anyway, we got to the very front of the floor. Right in front of the stage. I don't know if any of you have ever heard bassnectar, but the music is compelling.... you have to dance. We started getting down like there was no tomorrow. The air was thick with smoke and sweat. You could barely breathe that close to the stage. There's no keeping your clothes on, it's just too damn hot, so we took our shirts off and danced the night away.

Scott had a blast. I've never seen him like that. It was almost funny to see him move and sway to the beat with his shirt off and sweating. I was so happy to see him so happy.

All in all, it was a great reunion. He headed out to North Carolina on Saturday morning before I woke up. I wish him luck with the baby and congratulations.

I took a few pics at the show:

Good God, Good Show.

Friday, November 14, 2008

The Best Public Notice Ever

This was on the fridge this morning at my place. The dishwasher has been broken for as long as I can remember. Pure hilarity:

Click to zoom

Note: Adrienne (the note leaver) has been my best friend for several years. She never spells my name right, and I always correct her.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Buttons Don't Get Enough Credit

The blouse I'm wearing today is too small. The 3rd button down is so stressed, I feel at any moment it's going to give, and not be a functioning button anymore. I really like the idea of somewhat tight blouses, because it gives off that sort of sexy secretary look, but that 3rd button down endures such hardship because it holds my blouse together at its weakest point... the point that is sometimes called "no mans land"... the point that stretches across my breasts. Here, let me give you a visual:

I can't believe I just posted a picture of my breasts. Anyway, you see what I mean? I feel like saying "Thar she blows!" like it's seriously getting to that point. Even the fabric around the button is stressed. If shirts could scream, I think mine would be right now.

I just unbuttoned the button and I think I heard a sigh of relief.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

¿Por qué?

I was dumped at 3:11 this afternoon. I'm not really heartbroken, I'm just grieved that, like all my relationships, it was a big waste of time and emotions. Don't get me wrong, I'm upset. Considerably upset, but only because it's times like these that I feel that I will die alone and miserable. I'm too choosy with the men in my life. I want someone very specific, and because of the specificalities, I end up settling on one or more conditions/stipulations to my ideal mate. Those settlements get me into trouble. But it's impossible to find one that meets all my requirements. It's stupid the way I do this. I should just drop all the stips and go out with everyone who asks. Then decipher their flaws and eliminate the guy based on my discoveries.

It's seldom that someone has the balls to walk up to me on the street and ask me out, but it happened yesterday, coincidentally. It was so adorable. He was this little Mexican (I think) guy who asked if I was free for coffee. I turned him down, but maybe I'll reconsider based on knowledge that came to light at 3:11 this afternoon. Hopefully he's still standing there.

I don’t know why I felt the need to blog about this. I know I do get somewhat personal about things going on in my life on this blog, but not that I was dating someone. We weren’t in a serious relationship, but it still hurts to hear that he no longer wishes to see me.

I’m not looking for pity. Please don’t take pity on me. I’ll find someone else soon enough and all this will be dust in the wind.

To those who put their shit where it doesn't belong: (an open letter)

To whoever shit in the shower this morning (and anyone else who shits in places other than the toilet):

You're sick. There's nothing like waking up at 6:30 in the morning, going to the shower to bathe, and finding someone else's SHIT (or mud or whatever) on the floor of the shower. I mean, SERIOUSLY?! I hope you weren't planning on keeping that little bundle of joy, because I cleaned it up and flushed it. Don't try to blame it on the cat. The cat doesn't jump in to a bathtub to shit on a hard surface. Plus, that was a lot of shit. I think I can distingush human shit from cat shit. In the future, if you accidentally don't make it to the toilet, please be kind enough to clean up your shit. Don't leave it for someone else to clean.

To everyone else, be ever-mindful that shit is everywhere.

Keep your shit where it belongs,

*UPDATE: So we found out that one of the cats is very sick and is shitting in places other than the litter box... apparently.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Blogger Blockage

I have blogger's block. And I've been sick, so I should be chugging NyQuil, inducing a coma, and while not deep in hibernation, blogging. but I can't. I have blogger's block! It's so frustrating! I started writing about how my friend's neighbor tried to take down a 40-foot live tree with a chain and a 2-wheel drive Toyota pick-up and the hilarity that ensued, but it wasn't funny. At all. So I trashed it. It was one of those things that was really funny when it was happening, but not really funny on paper (or on screen). So, why would I bore my readers with not funny stories about rednecks doing redneck things with their trucks? Thanks, but I'll spare you. I'm blaming my blogger blockage on the fact that I've been a total hermit and haven't left the house in 3 days, except for the random errand to get more NyQuil, or Kleenex with lotion in them--and aloe (God help me if I get chaffed nose). I haven't been able to interact with interesting people or situations, so you get this post: My blogger blockage post. I know! It's lame. Hope you enjoyed it. Good bye.

HA! Just kidding, I'm not done. Let's talk current events.

News Flash: This is not a political blog, so please refrain from comments about how it's the end of the world and the country is being run by a Muslim socialist. I don't care what your republican parents or children told you.

Another news flash: anytime someone starts out a statment with the words "News" and "Flash", it's probably not going to be positive. It's probably going to be slightly passive-aggresive... or it's going to be an actual news flash on a news program.

anyway, Obama is the prez elect. I don't know about you, but I'm pretty excited about it. He is truly someone I can believe in, and I think he'll do great things for this country. I've liked this one since day 1... or like day 236, but still. I liked Obama for a while and voted for him... twice. however, he has quite a mess to clean up.

The gays are all up in arms about Prop 8. I heard that they started a protest in LA yesterday, which turned into a parade, which turned into a "gay riot", which was basically gays swarming cars occupied by Tila Tequila, but whatever. Gays can riot, too. I think people should do what they wanna do, end of discussion. Marriage should be between 2 humans (preferably adults), without any questions asked. I makes me kind of angry that we live in a world that 1 out of 2 people thinks that gays shouldn't have the same rights as straight people. It's sick. 1 out of 2 people look at a homosexual and think, "that's not a real person that should deserve the same rights."

that's all for now, everyone. have a pleasant rest of your morning and afternoon.